Wednesday, August 22, 2007


Shelley once said to me when I was describing the life of a white person in Indonesia that it sounds like the life of a D-grade celebrity and, y'know, it's really quite true. From people calling out to you on the street for no reason other than to get your attention, to being offered the table with the reserved sign on it at a club (not that I ever go to clubs). I sort of expected it, but there was one aspect of D-grade celebrity life I didn't expect. It sounds bizarre, but over the last 3 years I've attracted the attentions of 4 people who could broadly be defined as stalkers. The duration of their activities have lasted anywhere from 3 weeks to almost 2 years but eventually by ignoring them they fade away into the distance. The current one is a little strange though, hence, the blog post...

I don't know where she got my number from, but sometime around the end of last year I began to get phone calls in the middle of the night. The person would call up at 2am and then just sit there on the other end of the line and be completely silent. Sometimes there would be soft music or a TV playing in the background. Other times I could hear her breathing, and once in a while I could hear her humming. If I hung up, she'd call back straight away until I got fed up and turned off my phone. It would happen one night and then wouldn't happen for a week and then maybe happen two nights in a row.

One night, as we were going through this ritual I thought I'd just sit there and wait until she said something. I must have waited for a minute or two and as I began to doze off I heard her whisper "just say something". "What?" I responded. "Just speak" came the reply. I went into my normal "Who are you and why are you calling me?" routine and she went back to being silent, so I hung up and turned off my phone again in frustration.

Not long after that, the calling stopped, but I started getting smses. Normally saying something to the effect of:

Hi, happy sunday :)

Harmless enough, so I ignored them and hoped they'd go away.

Fast forward a couple of months and they're still arriving with some regularity. I started saving them a little while ago and I reproduce them for you, gentle reader, thus.

Hi,friend selamat malam.apa kabar?
22-May-2007 18:48
Hi friend, good evening. How are you?

Kamu marah sama aku ya?smsku kok nga dibalas.why?
22-May-2007 18:53
You're angry with me aren't you? Why don't you respond to my smses?

What's wrong with you?
22-May-2007 19:03

Selamat pagi,friedn.God bless you.have a nice day.
23-May-2007 02:43
Good morning friend. etc...

Aku tau siapa kamu?
23-May-2007 17:18
I know who you are

Namamu jhon heldway kan?
23-May-2007 19:09
Your name is jhon heldway right?

Happy Saturday night,Jack
16-Jun-2007 18:58

Bunda maria
17-Jun-2007 01:12
Mother mary (this one was accompanied by a little graphic of a woman with a halo around her head)

Happy Sunday
17-Jun-2007 09:20

R u ok?
11-Jul-2007 16:18

Happy sunday.
12-Aug-2007 12:55

Night..friend sory if i disturb you anymore.please don't be angry with me,coz i just want to be your friend.
12-Aug-2007 19:30

Good night friend.may God's love be with you always..
12-Aug-2007 21:47

When God open the window of heaven,He saw me and said"what you wish 4 2day?and i said"Lord please take care person who's reading this message
13-Aug-2007 10:07

Good night,have a nice dream.GoD BlesS u,always.
14-Aug-2007 22:27

Hai,friend have a nice dream.God blesS U always.good Night...
15-Aug-2007 22:31

And the creepiest one...

H@pPy BIRtHd@y...friend.May God BlesS U in your 25th Anniversary.i wanna pray for you always
19-Aug-2007 22:48 kbr ? How's yr day going?
21-Aug-2007 08:55
Hi, how's it going? etc...

These have been interspersed with random calls to my mobile phone... So, the question is: what do I do? Obviously ignoring her hasn't worked. She's remarkably persistent in the face of a complete lack of feedback (save for this post). Being a largish male, I'm not terribly worried about any potential violence or anything like that. She clearly knows enough about me (close enough to birthday, close enough to real name) that she either knows someone who knows me or has met me at least a couple of times.

So, I put the question to you, gentle readers, (that is, if there are any of you left after my long absence) do I:

  1. Continue ignoring her?

  2. Call her up and confront her once and for all?

  3. Get a female friend to call her up and confront her?

  4. Call her up from another number pretending to be someone else and see what hilarity ensues?

  5. Post her number on my blog and have my friends from all over the world inform her politely that god is dead, Elton John said so?

I leave it in your capable hands.