Friday, October 20, 2006

Not for the squeamish...



Well, I went to the doctor, and now, gentle reader, I have a multiple choice question for you:

John Has:

A. Worms
B. Amoeba
C. A bacterial infection
D. All of the above.


You guessed it, it's D. Apparently there's some sort of fucking zoo living in my arse. A menagerie, if you will.

The worrying thing, is how I don't feel any different to how I've felt for the last 2 years. That, and the doctor told me that these sorts of cocktails of colonic fauna are endemic in Indonesia and the only way to truly make sure you don't catch this sort of crap is to completely segregate yourself from the masyarakat. What the hell is the point of living here if I can't share a beer with homeless schizophrenic dudes down beside Kali Ciliwung now and then?

Is bleeding from your arse the price you pay for being a man of the people?

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Shits

You know you're really at home in Indonesia when you can fart with confidence...

My little sister was up here for two weeks a little while ago and, like many travellers, she had to take a day out of her busy schedule due to an unscheduled attack of traveller's runs. One unique thing about living in Indonesia is that, for many people, it never really, truly stops.

I woke up this morning with the familiar heavy, warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. The feeling gets slowly heavier, and warmer until you realise:

"Oh shit"

and your bowels reply:

"Exactly"

As much as an attack of amoebic dysentery can, I guess it just sneaks up on you. You get the shits when you first arrive, you get knocked flat for a day and then it starts to get better. You're so happy that you can move without it dribbling down your leg that you prematurely declare everything is fine and go back to eating street food. Next thing you know, 2 years later you find it strange that a doctor is shocked when you nonchalantly tell him that you shit at least five times a day.

I am writing this sitting at the Rumah Sakit MMC waiting for the results of my blood and stool test that I gave last night. It was kind of inefficient really, I could have given it to them in one.

I think it's time for a holiday...